A Grinch’s Guide to Anti-Christmas Events in London this December

Billie Manning

Bah, Humbug!

A Christmas Carol at The Old Vic

Ebenezer Scrooge is One of Charles Dickens's finest creations, a stalwart Londoner and self-made businessman with just the right attitude to this annual waste of time and energy. The ever-popular anti-Christmas play returns to the Old Vic for the third year. Entertainment guaranteed, then, though - spoiler alert - for wannabe Scrooges there is no happy ending. You might want to bail after your hero meets his third ghost.

Brian And Robin's Christmas Compendium of Reason at Hammersmith Apollo

This event may have the C-word in its title, but only because comedian Robin Ince and superstar boffin Professor Brian Cox have found cunning ways to make science and rational thought entertaining and accessible. An off-shoot of their radio series Infinite Monkey Cage, the pair's annual live event is a variety show with purpose, bringing together musicians, stand-up comics and scientists to celebrate enlightenment. All proceeds go to charities such as Médecins Sans Frontières UK and the Sophie Lancaster Foundation. We may generally lack festive cheer, but can still support a worthwhile cause.

Feeling Gloomy's Stuff Christmas at The Phoenix, Cavendish Square

If you need an antidote to the desperation of office parties and interminable novelty hits from Slade and Mud, head to the monthly night for miserablists run by downbeat duo Leonard and Cliff in the basement dive of this West End pub. The concept is to pick sad tunes to dance to, from Roy Orbison and the Rolling Stones to The Smiths and Pulp. At their Stuff Christmas special, you can enjoy a night of pure misery to prep for another blue Christmas.

Satanic Flea Market: Anti-Christmas Fayre

If you prefer pentagrams and black lipstick to reindeer and red baubles, The Satanic Flea Market is one for you. You can pick up great prints, zines, books, toys and films if you do your Christmas shopping here, all with no danger of being subjected to any unwanted Michael Bublé tunes floating into your ear.

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