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Five Films We Want To See An Alternative Sequel To

17 March 2012 | Tom Butler

London Calling's Tom Butler muses over the alternative Hollywood sequels we would love to see... including a rather hilarious version of Fight Club - 'have fun and try your best'...

It’s hard to get just quite what Hollywood movie moguls were thinking when ‘Meet The Spartans’ was commissioned. The same could be said for ‘Disaster Movie’ and ‘The Hottie And The Nottie’, both cruelly overlooked for Oscar nominations!
 
The industry is littered with shockers, horrors and down right stinkers, and at the top of many critics ‘The Worst Films Of All Time’ lists stand proud Hollywood’s discerning fascination with ‘The Sequel’.
 
Who thought Scary Movie 2 was a good idea, let alone Scary Movie 4!?! Final Destination is currently on its fifth reincarnation and whoever said “Yes” to ‘Look Who’s Talking Too’and extending John Travolta’s barren patch needs to take a long hard look at themselves.
 
So we at London Calling thought we would help Hollywood. Rather than trot out a list of ‘worst sequels’ with the inevitable culmination of ‘The Godfather Part 3’ at number one we thought we’d give producers five sure fire smash hits, with a twist of course! Take them, use them, do it well, just please don’t make a third, fourth, fifth…
 
1) Attack The Block - whilst Joe Cornish’ film was an undoubted success, we can’t help but wonder how it would look if written by Richard Curtis. Instead of knives and guns, the local residents would defend themselves with rolled up copies of The Guardian whilst throwing tubs of hummus and edamame beans. The title? ‘Attack The Mews’.
 
2) Fight Club - subtitled ‘The 3rd rule of Fight Club is to have fun and try your best’, ‘Fight Club 2 - The Re-Match’ would adopt a more whimsical approach to David Fincher’s original. This time Brad Pitt and Ed Norton play the team captains of a plucky bunch who box in ‘Sumo Suits’ with Stuart Hall providing the necessary commentary in between howls of laughter.
 
3) Taken - renamed ‘Taken Again - That’s Just Careless’. The majority of the movie would feature a rather weary Liam Neeson jogging around looking for a daughter who, quite frankly, hasn’t learnt from her mistakes. The quote from Liam this time…”I will find you, I’ve done it once before, you’ve still got the same mobile number, so it should be pretty straight forward this time!”
 
4) Tropic Thunder - Any film that gives us a black Robert Downey Jr whilst stating, “I don’t drop character until the DVD commentary” is fully deserving of a follow up. When you include Tom Cruise playing Les Grossman in one of the finest cameo’s of recent history and you’re on to a sure fire winner. And whilst the last film was set in Laos, the sequel steps it up a notch…set in Hackney and Croydon during the riots last year!
 
5) Anchorman - for no better reason than it being the finest film of all time, we demand a sequel! Ron Burgundy with his fondness of great suits, scotch and jazz flute. Brick Tamland and his love of lamps. The ultimate aphrodisiac cologne in ‘Sex Panther’. No twist required for this sequel, just two more hours of absurdly outstanding silliness please.
 
 

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